The Existential Unicorn

(A Puppet Play)

HORSE

(Singing) A horse is a horse of course…

UNICORN

(Singing Loudly) Except when he’s a Unicorn!!

HORSE

Humph! As I was singing – (he sings) Goodbye Old Paint, I’m a leavin’ Cheyenne…

UNICORN

(Singing) For Californeee…

HORSE

Do you mind?

UNICORN

No. I usually don’t.

HORSE

(Exasperated) You shouldn’t even be here. You’re mythological.

UNICORN

“If you believe in me, I’ll believe in you. Is that a bargain?”*

HORSE

What? That’s just silly. You aren’t real.

UNICORN

Then why are you talking to me? Maybe you’re the one who’s mythological.

HORSE

What?! I am not mythological!

UNICORN

Yes you are!

HORSE

No --- I’m not!

UNICORN

Yes you are!

HORSE

No --- I’M NOT!

UNICORN

No  -- you aren’t.

HORSE

Yes --- I AM!!

UNICORN

I’m glad you agree. You’re mythological! You don’t exist either.

HORSE

(Snort) How are we talking to each other if we don’t exist? (Neighs loudly.) You can hear that right? So I’m real. But you’re not supposed to be.

UNICORN

 (Neighs) I neigh therefore I am. Or is that putting de’ cart before da’ horse?

(*What the Unicorn says to Alice in Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass.)